my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
