I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
