I never want to see another naked old woman again.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
