Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
True strength comes from lack of pants
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
