she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
