Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
