It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I stole a fireplace last night.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
