So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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