Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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