I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
