ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
