Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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