Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
