you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
