I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
