i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
