Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
