This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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