based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
