You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
