It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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