It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
