I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
