I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you traded sex for a burrito?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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