8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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