i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
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I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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