If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
