I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
