we're blogging at a bar
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
