There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
