you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
