Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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