My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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