we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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