i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
As shirtless as possible
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
