I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
