you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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