I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
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You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
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Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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