Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
