I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
