If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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