that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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