we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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