I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
