What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
