She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
