Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
