the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
