seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
