Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
