It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
