Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
vagina is talking i cant
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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