Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize