He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
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