Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
