she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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