i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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