Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
