"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Bring me that man meat
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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