My room smells like vodka and shame
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
This is classic penis vs brain.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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