Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
