weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
