Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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