I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
