just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
