I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
