he shaved USA in his pubs
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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