wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
