When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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