Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
