What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
