i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
