remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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