I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
