I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
