im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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