There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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