So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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