Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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