theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
