What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
