Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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