Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
