it hurts more in the daytime
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
