They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
