3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
