Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
