why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
