I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I looked at my own cervix.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
