My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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