im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
