I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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