According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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