It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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